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Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash

The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright

First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. ~Branch Rickey

A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. ~Enid Bagnold

Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. ~Tom Wilson

Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever. ~Don Marquis

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis

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The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~Lucille Ball

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One father is more than a hundred Schoolemasters. ~George Herbert, Outlandish Proverbs, 1640
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)